just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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