Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
