Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
