Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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