The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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