we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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