A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
