Soap is not a condiment
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
