Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
