If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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