VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
