Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
