toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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