I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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