she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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