i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
