I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
