Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
