I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
