I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
