She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
