Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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