yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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