put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
