now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
