The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the day after is always just damage control
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
