i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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