im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
