Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
