he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
