Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
