my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
