Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
