I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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