careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
