I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
