you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
