please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
