well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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