You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just invented taco cereal.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
