He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
