You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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