How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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