Me too!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
