I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
