I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
