I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
