and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
