i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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