If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
