You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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