Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
