I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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