rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
