I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
