that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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