Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
