Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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